And I call this place "shalom"

Today I made my way along a familiar, dusty road to a place my heart finds peace. I go there often when the sun has melted away the snow. I leave my phone and iPod behind. I bring only a pen, paper and my bible. Sometimes, if I'm lucky to have enough time to be there a while, I bring sustenance. This was a day I carried every one of those things in. Time. Journals. Bible. Pens and pencils. Fruit. Water. Whole grain crackers. I didn't expect much of an epiphany, for I went to listen and to let my mind rest from thoughts and worries. I went there for silence.

As I walked, I pretended not to see the signs that read, "Please stay on the trail. Help preserve the habitat." Today I was only one person in a world not crowded by trail riders, kayakers and tourists. I traversed deep into the reaches of the meadow where I could see only mountain grass, the towering and seemingly protective trees that line this small valley, the top of the lava flow that lies just beyond the western bank of the river - only a sliver of which I could see - and between the restless clouds the occasional snow-capped mountain.

It took me a while to adjust. Everything was quiet and undisturbed at first - until I was used to being alone. And then the ants and the bees and the creeping, crawling little bugs began to wage their curiosity upon me. It was almost as if they wanted to be friends. I gently brushed them aside until their interest abated. For a while I wrote and allowed my heart to meander in different directions.

And then, oh and then, I did what everyone should do and do often: I laid down and sunk my body deep into the grass. My entire being took in every single thing about this place that I love. The somewhat pungent smell of grass and dirt. The scent of the impossible to describe cleanliness of nature - which, in and of itself is revitalizing. My limbs tingled with joy. I grazed the backs of my hands on the countless blades of grass around me. I watched the clouds moving deliberately across the ever-blue sky above the meadow. I listened to the wind and its ever-changing moods: the roar through the mountains, the rushing above the trees, the breeze that blew just above me, tickling my nose and the tips of the grass. The wind left nothing untouched behind it. I wondered with the wind blowing as it was if I was threatened at all by the darkness of the clouds as the moved closer. I wondered if the dry dirt would soon accept a reprieve from the warm day.

I realized in that moment something about this place: it is rather paradoxical. The serenity and stillness apart from the noise of the world has the ability to take over one's soul and give one the ability to be silent...and yet it is teeming with life and movement which draws the deepest part of the soul awake in ways nothing else can. The best word to describe this place may well be shalom: completeness, peace. The way things were intended. I begin to wonder if anyone else has experienced it the way I do...I can only hope.

Just write something...

drowning.exhausted.challenged.hopeful.irritated.excited.antisocial.scared

it's not the has been. it's not the could be. it's not the could have been.

it's wonder. it's maturing. it's love. it's dreaming. it's difficult.

it is the heart beat.

these words...if only I had a canvas and a brilliant set of oils...

The past few months have nearly slaughtered me. I'm content, yet ready to leave. I'm optimistic, yet scared. I'm being challenged in wild ways by the creator of the universe. I'm being challenged to stick to it, to persevere in what I know is right, in what I know I should do. Every day I must choose to be persistent through the hard stuff.

Honestly, I've taken a bit of a hiatus from writing. I've taken a break from art. I've taken a break to get my head back on straight. I'm learning the art of discipline. I'm learning the art of focus. I'm learning the art of investment (not the Wall Street kind). I'm learning to listen intentionally to God, not just yammer away toward heaven until I fall asleep.

I have nothing to say that would arrest you out of the quick skim you are taking of this blog. I have nothing to say that will enlighten you in a particular area of your life. I have nothing to say that will make this smattering of thoughts worthwhile. As well, I have made zero progress in any writing practice in the last month.

It's a combination of both the lack of discipline and inspiration to write that begs the question: what does God want me to say?

This my friends, is why I have been silent. And if I continue to be so, pray that it is a disciplined and intentional silence.