Decisions, Redemption

"But to deviate from the truth for the sake of some prospect of hope of our own can never be wise, however slight that deviation may be. It is not our judgment of the situation which can show us what is wise, but only the truth of the Word of God. Here alone lies the promise of God's faithfulness and help. It will always be true that the wisest course for the disciple is always to abide solely by the Word of God in all simplicity." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

To the outside world I've had a relatively carefree week. The winter term is over, spring break is here, exciting things are happening and I'm generally optimistic (as usual). Inwardly, however, I've been contemplative and reflective over the last couple of years of my life and where I'm headed now. It's just that time of year, I guess.

I'm making decisions for my life that are important; decisions that are heavy and include consequences - not necessarily bad - that I can actually foresee. I am making decisions much differently than I did when I was just a few years younger. Those years, apparently, add character (or something like that, right?). I'm moving to California next year. That's a big decision. I'm writing a book. That's a big decision. I'm doing things for me - not things society or family or friends or people expect me to do. Most importantly: I'm doing things for God, for the One I put my faith into.

I've come out of this state of fear and uncertainty with my faith into a place where every day I make a decision about it. Every day I choose to look deeper into God's heart for His people and trust He's got a bigger plan than I know. Every day I choose to believe the bible and the promises that God wrote into it. Every day I choose to serve Him and focus my thoughts toward Him. Every day I choose to see what He wants for me. Every day I choose to see the people around me as loved and out of that I try to be a light for God to them. I choose to offer the hope that I know. That's my choice. It's totally not easy. Some days I dislike these choices, but the beauty that my heart knows because of these choices is nothing I would trade. I'm starting to understand this "commitment" thing.

And because of this decision to choose God - although sometimes sporadically - I see my life becoming something it wasn't before. I see fruit of the mercy God graciously gave to me. I used to be broken. I used to make bad decisions without anticipating consequences as I should (and I'm sure I unwittingly still do). I see the beauty of my family and community in my life. I see the beauty of honesty and love through difficulties and the daily grind. I see, via my faith, things in my life that I intentionally direct toward God coming back to Him and the way He intended life to be - I see redemption.