burdened.

My friend murdered his roommate last weekend.

In the eyes of society he will always have "murderer" listed after his name - almost like a title. "So and so, the murderer." This title will forever linger. For this my heart is full of sorrow.

For the first time I feel true compassion toward someone who has committed such a vile and evil act. Never would I have expected this of him, that he would harm a person and leave that person on the ground, gasping at precious air for his own life. Never would I have imagined a rage to come from within him so deep that he could do such a thing. I'm appalled and yet deeply sad in ways I can barely articulate. There is not a word strong enough to wrap up in a neat descriptive package for you to understand. Grief has closed the depths of my mind so that my heart might begin to understand something greater.

Out of this circumstance God has burdened me with knowledge of His compassion toward us in our great state of depravity. To think that the Creator of the universe knows intimately our awful state and yet still loves us to such great heights that He might send Redemption...Oh how I marvel. And oh how I mourn. The Lord's is a heavy burden to try and comprehend, for I am merely human. I am created, not Creator. I alone cannot bear even a fragment of His work. And yet He has given me strength to understand - scarcely - His definition of compassion on us.

I challenge you to shift your paradigm - even slightly - to think from this place. We are depraved. We have either found redemption or have the opportunity to find redemption in the blood of Christ. The victim desperately needs to be rescued, but what of the perpetrator of evil? Does not their soul need saving? Does he not breathe as I? Does he not need food as I? Does he, deep in his soul, not crave mercy and love as I? Does he not need grace as I?

I believe he does.

Even More

There's a lot to say. Much has changed, all accredited to God. I love Him more than ever before and I'm confident this love will only continue to grow as the years progress. I asked my small group to write something - anything - to express why they cherish the sacrifice of Jesus in hopes that even if it's small now, the love and the reasons for the love would grow and abound in their hearts over the years. I can't help but put my example here. Imperfect in its hasty composition, but perfect in emotion and joy for all that it means to me.

The secret part of my soul
The secrets I speak of to no other soul
The wounds and sorrows
The ugliness of my self You know
I need not hide them
You lay them bare
And wipe them clean
You heal, redeem and restore
I love thee for thy Great Love
It wavers not
For You love all of me.

The outward life -
Life that is messy,
And human in desire and will
The one who burns with anger
Or weeps in sorrow
The one who sins
The careless hurt that seeps out
You call me loved
The mess is forgiven
I am a child, soothed and instructed
And disciplined in heart.
Your mercy resounds.

The war that rages on
You are sovereign over.
The sinful and painful desires
In the depths of my heart You claim
You make them over and over again
Until they are right with You
The sin disappears in light,
in sweet redemption
in the cleansing of blood
The simplest peace settles
It claims the battle and calls it done
And I rest in Your might.

The once messy child
Is not coddled, but cherished.
She is loved in her nature
And slowly reared in the Way
Grown up to love her Lord
Only by His patience and care
His devotion and grace pave her way to Him
She knows His voice and
Sees the gentle work of His hand
And smiles up at His face
As she sits at His feet
There is no other love here
All has disappeared
And a life destined for destruction,
now sanctified and consecrated
At ready to reveal the Glory of the King