A Bad Word

Obedience.

You know what I mean. It's not a bad word, but it definitely evokes this feeling inside of you...that gritting-of-the-teeth kind of feeling. I have been thinking about this word a ton lately. In fact, I've been over thinking what obedience is and looks like and should look like... which led me to some peaceful conclusions, but I was left looking at a lot of the small stuff and missing a part of the big picture.

If you've been following my blog you'll know that things haven't exactly played out as I had planned, or even as I thought God had planned for me. And over the last year I've really tried hard to obey the voice of God in my life. More than anything I wanted to be close to Him, and I knew obedience to do some crazy things (like go serve in Africa) would get me there. But when my accident happened I had to rethink some things and examine my motives again. Again. Ugh.

A part of my heart was devoted to Jesus, but I think more of it was devoted to the cause He started. Oswald Chambers said this, "The moment you realize God's purpose, which is to get you rightly related to Himself and then to your fellow men, He will tax the last limit of the universe to help you take the right road." I hope against hope I'm solidifying this in the foundation of my faith that will help me be more and more obedient to God as the days pass.

I was studying and praying this week to prepare to teach on Thursday night. Teaching is not my thing, let's just get that out there. So instead I decided to share my story about what I've been learning about obedience this year. The gist of it being that it's not about what I do, but it's about how much and whether or not I'm being obedient to God. Because obedience is more a state of being that one single action, when you really think about it (or, when you look it up on dictionary.com, as I did and actually learned that's what it meant).

Obedience to God is not about following a kazillion rules to avoid being sent to hell. Obedience is about choosing God always. It's about fully surrendering. It's about finding God's strength to obey when you feel you can't possibly. It's about loving God. And as a result of our obedience we will find our fullness in God because we will trust that His joy is what will make us complete. And His joy is to be glorified. Thus, our lives are to glorify Him no matter what that feels like to us; whether it is joy or sorrow, happiness or mourning, easy or difficult.

I read yet another Chambers devotional and he talked about the fact that we are not in a relationship with God for God to make a success of our lives. Our obedience to God is not the means to an end or means to a successful life. "It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God."

That, friends, is my aim. Deuteronomy 7:9-11

Lions and Tigers and...Back to School? Oh my!

WHAT? Yeah. That's what I keep saying in my head to myself every time I think of it. Back to school. A handful of memories hit my gut when I think about what that actually means. Midterms. Finals. Labs. All nighters. Writing. More coffee than my system can actually handle. Financial aid. Grants. Deadlines. Procrastination. Study groups. Labs. Paperwork. The list goes on.

But it's not just about these things. It's the education, the process of learning that is what excites me. It's so important, not just in college, but every day beyond to continually educate oneself. And there is one word that comes to mind when I think about education: becoming.

I have spent the last six years as a single woman (single for the most part, anyway). I've learned about God and people. I've learned about myself. I have experienced a very full and rewarding life with a couple of different careers. It's all been a part of my becoming process. I'm becoming more and more the woman that God intends me to be. He's turned my heart to be passionate about His children. He's turned my heart to seek justice. And throughout this time, though I've been on a leave of absence from school, I found that I do not like idleness of any kind. I've made it a purpose to learn and grow as a person.

And now, this woman has found what her passion is (for the most part) and it's time to sink back into formal education, only this time with purpose and meaning. This time there will be passion and direction guiding the knowledge that will pour into my mind.

I'm taking my first class since 2005 in just a couple of weeks. It's a class on the history of human rights (shocked? Didn't think so). And then in the spring I'll be taking on more general ed, and next fall begins the fun stuff: the journey to a degree in Intercultural Communications through Oregon State. SWEET.

I'm no Superwoman, but at least when I am out in this world the education I have will propel me to work smarter, harder and more effectively for God's kingdom.

PS. I'm still planning on Africa. As a team, my attorney and I decided it's probably best for me to stick around until this settlement process is over. But guess what? As soon as it is, this girl is crossing the ocean for a year(ish). It'll be a different kind of education, but it will be a beautiful addition to the path of life God has me on.