I have decided that this accident will not deter me. I knew from the beginning it wouldn't mess up my trip to Africa. I knew I would recover. In my personal opinion, I think I'll be up and running, officially, in a few weeks with some lingering physical therapy and chiropractic work. Granted, I didn't really expect to be out of commission for so long, but I'm thankful it wasn't worse. That keeps me quite happy.
However... (oh, you knew a "however" was coming). I'll let you in on this: as sunny and positive as I occur in my natural state, I have not been that way since my accident. I don't feel that way, at least. My two most difficult struggles through this trial are these:
1. Continually keeping my focus on God. Yes, you heard me right, it has been so very difficult, and I've failed many of these days.
2. Being positive is not naturally occurring. I'm sad more than I'm happy right now. I'm really disliking that, and also feel like a failure for feeling that way.
Psalm 27 has been my delight the past couple of days. Finding God in the mess of my life has been harder than I ever imagined, especially since I was happily moving through life loving God more than I ever had in my life up until that moment. Not only am I undergoing physical therapy...I feel like I'm going through spiritual therapy. I'm trying to get back to where I was before when I would long for moments of prayer, for moments to soak in the richness of scripture. Well, where I would long for them more than I do right now, anyway.
I'm trying...still. And I'm trying to be still. And I'm trying to seek the face of my Hosanna, my Rock, my Savior every time I become frustrated and angry tears roll down my cheeks.
That is the messiness of my life. Welcome. :)
P.S. I may have happened upon a friend who wants to go with me to Africa. Stay tuned for details and PRAY! It's exciting!
No comments:
Post a Comment