The War and the Never-ending To-do List

Somehow I feel like I'm sitting at the base camp of an enormous mountain - wind blowing in my hair, heart pounding, and pondering what the adventure holds for me as I prepare to climb. I wonder about the challenges, the not-so pretty moments, the tough moves, the bravery and the gear I'll need, and I imagine the beauty of the light of the sun as it rises to shine on the mountain during the climb. I wonder how well my body, soul and mind will fare.

This was the feeling I encountered last night. Africa is my mountain right now. There's a never ending list of questions in my head that I need to ask someone who's been there, yet I simply haven't had the time. There is so much to be done and a lot of support to finish raising. There is one more sewing class I need to teach, but haven't finished the logistics and prepared sign ups. I have packing and insurance and inoculations and plane tickets to figure out...and then last night I realized that I'm leaving in 4 and a half months.

Part of me feels overwhelmed, that is the retired event planner.

Part of me feels at peace, that is the daughter of a King.

And part of me feels the war beginning to wage once more.

Not the same tactics as last time (view post here), but definitely the same war. It seems that one will never end. I had a quiet rest come over the waters of my stormy and emotional heart after I wrote that last bit. I enjoyed the peace and the comfort of my Savior walking at my side; He will always satisfy. Unfortunately my humanity tells me otherwise and manages to pull the wool over my eyes for a brief moment. I oftentimes tell myself that the grass isn't greener, it's just different grass.

And then, through all of the items on the to-do list and through the war, I look my God in the face and understand He is my beginning and end, my soul's desire and that my life at all times is an offering to Him. That mountain in front of me is what He has planned, every little step and challenge along the way is a journey I share with Him. It's finding myself in His hands and in His heart. That is all that matters.